just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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