Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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