my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
