for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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