Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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