I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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