I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
not ubering you a puppy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
