now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
