Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
