omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
