It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
