Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
