I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
