dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
