We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
