How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
