like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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