I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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