FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
