I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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