I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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