Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
