Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
