Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
