Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
