ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
