I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize