what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
