...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
