So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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