Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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