your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize