Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
