3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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