when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
