i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
