I smell stomach acid.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
