im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
