You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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