If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
