You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
