FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
