You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize