There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
