so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
