i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
