i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize