So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
