evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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