I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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