did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
