for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
