are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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