I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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