So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
