i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
