Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
