His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
