It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
