Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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