you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
