People in love make me want to vomit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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