The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
