I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
