so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
