why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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