What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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