Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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