Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
