we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
