That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize